We all first met Kim as the glowing young bride in the movie “Father of the Bride” with Steve Martin. She’s acted ever since, adding NYTimes bestselling author to her credits with her book “Where The Light Gets In,” which chronicles her mother’s battle with dementia. In this episode, we dive into Kim’s own health struggle — losing her voice for nearly two years, an experience that Kim says saved her life. We talk about staying resilient, finding the good in the bad, and tripping on psychedelic mushrooms — a first for this podcast!
Takeaways
- Taking risks in one area of your life can open up opportunities in others.
- If you know your own self-worth, you’ll get through the low periods.
- Find out the interesting takeaways from every experience, good or bad.
- Always be open to alternative paths for creativity and healing.
Resources
Learn more about Kim here.
And some more worthwhile causes to check out:
Transcript
Kim (00:05)
I’m Kimberly Williams-Paisley. I’m an actress and a writer, and this is No Time to Be Timid.
Tricia (00:22)
Hey there, I’m Tricia Rose Burt. And in this podcast, we talk to artists who show us how to find the courage to take risks, step out of our comfort zones and use our creativity to make our work and change our world. Pay close attention because this is no time to be timid. Welcome to the show. We’re excited to return for our fourth season and this time we’re coming to you as an award winning podcast.
That’s right. Last November, we won a Signal Award, which is a prestigious podcast industry honor. And we were one of eight winners in the arts and culture category, a category which included, get this, Oprah Winfrey. I will never tire of saying that I won an award in the same category as Oprah Winfrey. She won a gold, we won a silver, and we just couldn’t be more thrilled. So we decided to shake things up.
If you’re a regular listener, you may have noticed we have some fabulous new music, courtesy of Echo Finch, and we’ll have some other surprises sprinkled throughout the season. But what hasn’t changed is the No Time to Be Timid Manifesto. If you don’t have yours yet, make sure you go to my website, triciaroseburt/manifesto and download your copy. Put it somewhere where you can see it every day. It’s helped a lot of people on their creative journeys. Of all the 10 principles in the manifesto,
I think the one I live by the most is the riskiest thing you can do is play it safe. I think of it when making small decisions and making big ones too. Like the time I moved to Nashville for two months back in January 2015. I’d received some funding to create an artist residency of my choosing. And I thought, you know, I’ll go to Nashville. Because at the time New Hampshire wasn’t doing much for me. And in Nashville, there was a theatrical agent who wanted to represent me and my one woman show.
and there was a music producer who wanted to collaborate with me on a storytelling and music podcast. Plus, I’d reconnected with Amy Grant at my college reunion a couple of years earlier, so I knew I’d have an artist friend to play with when she wasn’t on the road. Two days before I was set to go, the theatrical agent backed out. And while the music producer still loved the podcast idea, it was clear he didn’t have the bandwidth to collaborate and make it happen. In theory, I no longer had a reason to go to Nashville.
and I could have stayed in the safety of my New Hampshire studio. But the apartment was rented, the car was halfway packed, and even more important, I had a dream to lead a creative life, to leave a legacy through my art and my stories. And Nashville seemed like a step towards that goal. I was willing to take the risk to make it happen. The first two months in Nashville stretched into three, and I kept going back. Over the course of 17 months, I spent 14 of them in Nashville.
I told stories on stage, taught workshops, collaborated with Amy on some creative projects, and landed a freelance gig with a Nashville-based company where I worked for four years. For me, Nashville is now my second home, and several of the wonderful creative friends I made during that time will be on the podcast this season. So what I originally thought was going to happen didn’t. But what did happen turned out better than I could have imagined, in large part because I was willing to take a risk for a creative dream.
I talk about that idea with our first guest this season, Kimberly Williams Paisley. You may know her from her role as the glowing bride in the film, Father of the Bride with Steve Martin, and its sequel, Father of the Bride Part II. Or from her starring role as Dana on the comedy series, Life According to Jim. When I first met her, I wanted to call her Peggy because of her role on the TV series Nashville. If I listed all of Kim’s stage and screen acting credits, I wouldn’t have time to air our conversation.
In 2016, she added bestselling author to her list of accomplishments, publishing a New York Times bestselling book, Where the Light Gets In, which chronicled the impact of her mother’s dementia. And if that wasn’t enough, her charitable work alone could be a full-time job. I met Kim last summer, right after she had surgery on her vocal cords. She’d lost her voice for two years. Two years! It’s kind of hard to be an actor if you don’t have a voice. But according to Kim,
Losing her voice saved her life. Listen to our conversation to find out why. And here are a few insights from the conversation. Taking risk in one area of your life can open up opportunities in others. If you know your own self-worth, you’ll get through the low periods. Find out the interesting takeaways from every experience, good or bad. And always be open to alternative paths for creativity and healing.
Like the rest of my guests this season, Kim’s going to give us a blueprint for what a fearless creative life looks like. And she’s gonna make us laugh a lot while she’s doing it. Enjoy the conversation.
Hey Kim, it’s so great to have you on the show. Hi.
Kim (05:27)
Thank you for having me. It’s great to be here.
Tricia (05:30)
I’m just delighted. I’m really tickled. We’ve been having conversations for a while now, so it’s nice to actually have one that we can share with the rest of the world. You’ve been through some things where you had to be really brave. So we’re going to talk about those. But I want to start out with just how everybody got to know you in the beginning. When you got selected to be in Father of the Bride, tell us the parts that were you had to be really brave. Because it sounded like a big break and it was, but…
There had to be parts that were really overwhelming and scary. I feel like you started being brave at an early age in your career.
Kim (06:05)
Absolutely. So I did start being brave. I think when I was about 12 or 13, I decided I wanted to be an actor. Actually, I started by wanting to pay for my private school because my parents said we couldn’t afford it anymore. And I said, I know how I’m going to make enough money to pay for private school. I’m going to become an actor. And they thought that was really darling. And we lived in New York. So I started auditioning and just like,
I mean, I can’t even believe when I think back now, you know, riding the subway, riding the train from Westchester to New York City, which was like a 45 minute ride, and then getting on the right subway and navigating by myself to the right address for whatever audition I had and just putting myself out there.
Tricia (06:54)
You were 13? Yes. that is crazy. Your parents didn’t go, dear God, Kim, no?
Kim (07:01)
No, I think they were out of their minds. yeah, mean, they were like, yeah, go. I mean, my dad worked in the city at the time, so he wasn’t too far away. But pretty soon after that, like when I was a freshman or sophomore, he started working from home. really, and this was before cell phones. So I remember my card, had this, I could punch in a bunch of numbers into the payphone and I was.
would be able to reach them and just say, hey, I’m coming home on the such and such train. But there was not like constant contact. I really learned at a young age how to do it myself. But we were New Yorkers. And they liked that I was independent. But I was used to putting myself out there. So then cut to I was a sophomore at Northwestern University in Chicago.
Tricia (07:49)
Wait, wait, wait, I have to ask you a question. What was your first acting gig when you were 12 and 13? Like, why did you land?
Kim (07:55)
The first thing I landed was a National Dairy Board commercial and I was like, I have made it. And I told everybody about it and I was going to be a ballerina. I love to dance. I wound up getting cut out of the commercial. But the funny thing is I was booked as a principal, which meant that I got paid as a principal actor. So the irony is that I wound up being able to pay for a year of private school with my first audition.
Tricia (08:23)
How funny.
Kim (08:25)
But my parents weren’t convinced that I could pay for four years of private school. So they had already enrolled me in the public school. So I wound up paying for a lot of my college. Yeah. So that just, but anyway, it was, it actually turned out to be very lucrative at a young age. So I booked this National Dairy Board commercial. I got cut out and then I didn’t do anything for like two more years. And then I booked like a OB Tampon commercial, a Stridex commercial.
and like a Pizza Hut commercial, like bam, bam, bam, I started working again. And I also got an ABC After School Special which was pretty funny. Do remember those?
Tricia (09:01)
Wow, okay.
Yes, I do. There was always some drama involved in them.
Kim (09:07)
I was the drama. I was Vanessa. It was based on a true story about this girl who sued her date for the prom because he invited her to prom. She went and bought a dress. And then at the last minute, he dumped her and went to the prom with Vanessa. And we rode off on a motorcycle. We were very risque. So that was my TV break. And then I decided that I was going to stop acting.
because it was really getting in the way of my studies and everything. I’d gotten into Northwestern and I really wanted to throw myself into that. So my freshman year, I pretty much was just a student. And then my sophomore year, my friend Abby Epstein, who is now a documentary filmmaker, she’s amazing.
Tricia (09:52)
Gosh, you’ve known Abby for that long?
Kim (09:54)
Yes,
yes. So Abby came to me and she was interning at a casting office in Chicago and she said, Hey, there’s this audition for this movie called Father of the Bride with Steve Martin and they need the part of the bride. I thought of you and I was like, okay, that’s weird because I feel like the furthest thing from a bride right now. I’m 19 years old. I’m a sophomore.
But you know what? I’ve never learned how to take the train in Chicago. And that’s a big part of who I am. Like I am an independent person and I have never figured out public transportation into the city. So that’s what I’m going to do. It’s an excuse to figure out the L. So I’m just going to see if I can navigate my way to this destination for this audition. It wasn’t even about the audition. then, you know, it was a whole rigmarole to get to getting the part.
I had to like audition and jump through hoops and fly out to LA twice and all kinds of stuff. But that’s where it started. So it wasn’t really for that specific audition. It wasn’t really about being brave. It was about being independent. But then I had to be brave to actually get it. That’s very true.
Tricia (10:58)
Yeah, yeah.
But it’s also though, there’s something about being independent that requires you to be brave. Yeah. You know, because if you want to be independent, by very nature, you’re by yourself figuring stuff out. And so you have to have that bravery to even want that in the first place, I think? Have that courage to even want to do that in the first place.
Kim (11:07)
That’s true.
Absolutely, and there I was completely by myself in LA, which was a city that was totally foreign to me for these auditions and the screen test. And like, I just didn’t think it was a reality. I just thought, this is so crazy. I’m auditioning with Steve Martin and Diane Keaton, who I just adored. And Martin Short, he was so funny. you know, and then wound up getting it, which was absolutely terrifying.
Tricia (11:45)
There is such an edge to when we step into something that we have wanted. There’s that moment of this is so fantastic and also, dear God, can I do this? Do you know what I’m saying? And so what made you just say, okay, I can do this? Or did you go on every day going, I can’t do this and I’m just faking it till I make it? What did you feel like on the inside?
Kim (12:07)
Yeah, I was absolutely terrified. I remember my stomach was in knots. I think I like broke the toilet in the trailer. I was a disaster. I would have nightmares. I mean, I was absolutely terrified every day. But people were really nice. And, you know, the first piece of advice Steve Martin gave me was to get a good therapist, which was pretty much like the best thing he ever told me.
Tricia (12:16)
Yeah.
Kim (12:37)
Wow. Wow. He said, welcome to LA. You’re going to need a new therapist. You’re going to need a therapist. I’d never had one. It was terrifying. The thing that I was most scared about was that scene with the blender where I have to cry because my fiance gives me a blender. And it’s like this, she has to completely fall apart. And I just thought, my gosh, I have to cry
And it became like this mountain to climb. And it was the thing that Charles and Nancy Meyers, Charles Shire and Nancy Meyers were most concerned that I wouldn’t be able to do. And I knew that. And they had me work with an acting coach. They had me practice and practice and practice, which probably wasn’t helpful.
And on the day that we had to shoot it, all I could think is I’m not gonna be able to do it. And at the time, and you know, again, I was 19, I hadn’t had all this training that I’ve had since to really know how to do something like that healthfully. So I remember just doing take after take after take, and just knowing that I was forcing it and I wasn’t getting it and I couldn’t cry and I was so miserable.
Tricia (13:34)
Yeah.
Kim (13:47)
that by like, I mean, they were known for doing multiple, multiple takes. So after like the 30th take, 40th take, I just thought, I am failing at this. I am never going to be a real actor. And the thought of that made me sob.
So suddenly I’m bawling and I was like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I’m crying.
And that’s the take that we got and it just like unlocked that so when you see the movie and you see me sobbing That’s why I’m sobbing. “It’s a blender
I mean, I didn’t want to act thrown or anything. But inside I was. I mean, I thought something for the apartment. Maybe a new clock or a cool phone or a great art book or something, but a blender. I mean, what is this, 1958? To give the little wife a blender? I mean, it scared me, you know, in terms of his expectations. You know, I started to freak out. And he asked me what was wrong. And I asked him what a gift like this is supposed to be telling me.
He said nothing and I didn’t believe him and we got in this big fight. And he said I was overreacting. And I said, why would I overreact? Nobody in my family overreacts.” But then the hard part was that we get that, everyone applauds. There’s this picture of me and Charles Shire that he actually sadly just passed away a few weeks ago. And so I posted this picture of the two of us. And that’s right after we shot that scene. He came and he sat down on the bed and he had a lollipop.
And I just remember he put his arm around me and everyone was just so relieved. And I was just like, still kind of blubbering. And then everyone went to lunch. And I was like, okay, wait, what just happened? And then we come back and I have to do it again. I have to get it up again. So that’s what I had to learn how to do is like, okay, multiple times from multiple angles and figure out when to really do it and when to not, when to hold back. then…
And then really how to, instead of using my own personal fears or history or all these things, to really learn how to create a world that’s imaginary and then tap into that, which is a safer way to do it, in my opinion.
Tricia (16:14)
It just feels like there’s a lot of stamina involved.
Kim (16:18)
Yes, definitely.
Tricia (16:19)
You know, and I think there’s, as an artist, whatever field we choose, there’s always stamina involved, you know, of just getting up and doing it again and getting up and doing it again and getting up and doing it again. So it was all very wildly successful, as we know. What were some of the setbacks that you’ve had that made you, I mean, I know you had, was it Relativity? Was that the name of the show?
You got a lot of praise for that performance, but it was canceled after a season. So how do you draw, you know, what did you do to draw on getting over that disappointment? Yeah. And I mean, you’ve had a long enough career. You’ve had a lot of hits. You’ve got to have some misses in there too. So how do you navigate the misses that come along?
Kim (17:01)
That’s a great question. I have learned to do other things, really. mean, anybody who’s an actor is going to have highs and lows. And so what do do during the lows that that keeps your creative juices flowing?
And where I had to really work hard on finding my own sense of worth, regardless of what others say. regardless of whether I’m working or not, or people are praising me or not, just having a groundedness and a sense of self. Which, I mean, I think my parents gave me a great foundation for that. My family has continued to be a rock for me. And therapy has been very beneficial.
Tricia (17:40)
Thank you, Steve Martin.
Kim (17:42)
Thank
you, Steve Martin. meditating now in the last six, seven months has been just always having a curiosity of how can I learn? Where can I learn? What are the lessons in this? What’s fascinating about this? Whatever is hard, whatever is successful, just finding what’s the interesting story? What’s the interesting takeaway from the high or the low?
Tricia (18:07)
So I read your book that you wrote, Where The Light Gets In, which was excellent. Thank you very much for writing that for all of us. You’re talking about your father and you’re saying, I’m going to have to read a little bit here. But he says, my dad told us a story about running a strange article in Omni Magazine where he was the editor in 1980s.
Kim (18:15)
Thank you.
Tricia (18:30)
It was about a wild plan from a scientist who suggested that someday we might send a flotilla of insulated spaceships to the sun to collect its plasma and truck it back to Earth. It would provide all of our energy needs. The topic was typical of the publication, a mixture of science and science fiction. An Omni staffer called a physicist at Princeton to weigh in and provide balance. What he said at first wasn’t surprising. It’s not going to happen. But then he went on,
what’s going to happen will be much more fantastic than that. And you say how that is just what’s kind of been the mantra for you as you’ve grown up. I thought it was just fantastic. mean, it’s so, we have a tendency to go, ah, it’s not gonna happen. Yeah, what’s gonna happen is gonna be even better, right? You know? So…
Kim (19:15)
Absolutely. Yeah, and I do think my dad planted that thought in my head years and years years ago, and it’s been really helpful. And I kind of have that conversation with my kids now too, of like, what’s something that you think you’re probably right about is gonna happen? And what do you think is gonna surprise you? And then after the event, so what surprised you? What happened that you didn’t expect? And I just think it’s a really great way to look at our lives.
and to look for the magic in it. And yeah, this didn’t happen the way I thought, but look at what did happen. And even you asked about successes and failures, even the projects that I’ve worked on that turned out to be not very good, which there’s plenty of those, I can still point to them and say, yeah, but I met this person who’s become a dear friend or, that was the one where I learned this lesson. And yeah, that was really hard, but look, I’m stronger in this area because of that.
Tricia (20:08)
I do know, I do know. I think that’s the way as artists that we even navigate it all is because it’s just, okay, what did I learn? What do I do better next time? What was the connection? And stuff that happened five years ago I thought didn’t work out at all. Then you get the phone call from somebody who said, hey, remember five years ago when we worked on that? It’s like, oh wait, so you just have to stay open. Well, we met just last August. Also very serendipitous because I was going to the Porter’s Call
What were they calling it? Was it their 15th anniversary? An Evening of Stories And so I had been a storyteller at an Evening of Stories, I think for their seventh or eighth event. Porter’s Call is a wonderful nonprofit down in Nashville that supports recording artists. And just at the last minute, I was like, I think I’m just gonna, I this is a boondoggle. I’m gonna go for one night to Nashville. I was flying back from Tampa. I thought I’m just gonna go for one night. I’m gonna go to this event. And that’s where I met you.
Kim (20:40)
an evening, an evening of story.
Tricia (21:06)
we were talking about storytelling, you’re like, I have a story I want to tell.
Kim (21:10)
Well, I got to say, it really was serendipitous for me as well to meet you. And I was also a last minute addition. I think I reached out to Belmont where they had it. I reached out to my friends there. I’m on the board of Belmont and just said, hey, can I get a seat to this? And it was like the day of. And they said, sure. And then I showed up and there’s Amy Grant, who I adore.
and I run over to say hi to Amy and she introduces me to you and tells me what you tell me what you do and working with The Moth and storytelling and I have always loved The Moth and really value storytelling and I just said, you’re my person, I wanna talk to you and it’s been so wonderful to work with you, I really loved it.
Tricia (21:51)
Thank you, I appreciate that. But it really was very serendipitous because it was like, okay, let’s just do this. So tell your story. Tell the story that you wanted to tell that we worked together with. And I’m so glad you’ve connected with The Moth. But in the meantime, talk about the story that you wanted to tell and what we worked on together.
Kim (22:12)
So my mom passed away in 2016 from Alzheimer’s disease. And so I started this event called Dance to End Alzheimer’s in Nashville. It’s this like themed party, dance party. And this is my fifth annual, it was 2022. And the theme is 90s. And I understand the assignment. I’m like, Cindy Crawford, looking fantastic. I’ve got the mole, I’ve got the hair, I’ve got the…
dress off my shoulder and this like purple and black stripe short mini dress number. And I waltz out on stage. I’m kicking off the event with my brother Jay and my sister Ashley. And I open my mouth to say, hello everybody. And absolutely nothing comes out. And the crowd who had been totally going wild is now completely silent.
And the moment just felt like an eternity. And my sister turned to me and she said, did you just lose your voice? And I couldn’t answer her. I had no voice. It was terrifying. And then in working with you, I realized the connection between that and my relationship with my mother because the first thing that occurred to me when I lost my voice is, my gosh, it’s my mother’s revenge. And that is because
Growing up, my mom was an incredible mom in so many ways. She was like the loudest cheerleader at the soccer games and she made the most amazing spaghetti and meatballs and she gave me the best back scratches at night and she was the best reader of books. But she wasn’t my friend, you know, she wasn’t like she wasn’t someone that would sneak me a sip of her beer, you know, to like try it out.
When I got my period, my mom was not the one who sat me down and told me what to do. She sent my dad to talk to me through the bathroom door. So what a c-
Tricia (24:12)
What a comfortable
situation what a really comfortable situation
Kim (24:15)
Yeah, it wasn’t it wasn’t those things that crossed over, right? So when she got Alzheimer’s, she she said, I do not want you guys to talk about this because that was like, like my first period and like, you know, things that weren’t comfortable. I don’t want you to talk about Alzheimer’s. To her it was
And at the time we didn’t even know she had Alzheimer’s. We just were told it was primary progressive aphasia, which is a very rare form of dementia, which we later found out was caused by Alzheimer’s. But she was embarrassed. so it started us on this secrecy path that was very uncomfortable. And we missed out on so many things that could have really helped us and helped her just how to navigate a situation like that, because
Dementia is just not an easy road, right? So what wound up happening is over the next like five to seven years, my mom declined like we thought she probably would when we got the diagnosis. And we finally, thank goodness, put her into a long-term care place, which was great for my dad, who was just diminishing as her primary caregiver and great for us. And as soon as she was in long-term care and was
Tricia (25:08)
Yeah.
Kim (25:35)
so checked out, like she couldn’t remember my name, she wasn’t really aware of a lot of stuff that was going on. I started blabbing about it. I started like talking about it to anyone that would listen. I started this dance party to end Alzheimer’s and I wrote this memoir that became a New York Times bestseller.
And I enrolled in a study at Vanderbilt University and I went on the Maria Shriver, you know, Maria Shriver show and I talked about my book and then I went on again and I talked about the study and the importance of doing research for Alzheimer’s and I got a champion award from the Alzheimer’s Association for all the talking I was doing about Alzheimer’s and my mother who never wanted me to talk about it in the first place. So that’s why when I’m on stage and I lose my voice, I think.
This is my mother’s sweet revenge from beyond the grave. And the next morning I wake up and I still don’t have a voice. And for following weeks and months, and it turned into almost two years of just, my voice was like just barely above a whisper.
Tricia (26:41)
Before this interview, I was looking at interviews of you that you had before on YouTube and just doing some research for it. And I saw an interview that you had with Kelly Clarkson on the show. I did. Which, what were you promoting? I can’t remember.
Kim (26:53)
No, you saw it?
my gosh, I was promoting probably Jesus Revolution
Tricia (27:01)
You were promoting Jesus Revolution. And it was like, my goodness. was hard, having spoken to you as often as I have since last August to hear you on that interview, like, bless her heart.
Kim (27:18)
I’m traumatized by that interview. That was terrible.
Tricia (27:21)
Well, I’m so sorry to bring it up. I’m so sorry to bring it up to you to further traumatize you. I was listening to it with compassion. So was, you know, the other guest, Niall, what’s his last name? I can’t remember. There was so much concern and love and compassion for you. But for me, I’m like, holy moly, it has taken everything she’s got to get these words out.
Kim (27:44)
It was awful. So I was still in the first few months when that happened and I didn’t know that I could talk better over my right shoulder than I could over my left shoulder. At the time when I talked over my left shoulder, it would come out much more like a whisper, like that, you know? And I didn’t realize that when I got out there to sit on the couch, first of all, I was so nervous.
And it was hours waiting. They were running behind and I was backstage and I just, the longer I waited, the more I was terrified. And I didn’t know that I had this paralyzed nerve. So I thought it was like something I’m doing. that’s the trauma of the whole time was like, it because I’m not speaking my truth? Is it because I’m, you know, I…
I’m not breathing properly. I never got proper training. Like, what is it? And so I was backstage just waiting. And then I go on and I’m talking. The whole interview is over my left shoulder. Yes. And I even told the producers ahead of time. I gave them my heads up. I said, this is what’s happening. But I’d love to talk about it. And they said, Kelly’s had voice trouble. She’ll be able to relate to that. And instead, I get out there and she was like horrified by my voice and terrified.
She’s like, that can happen. my God.
Tricia (29:02)
There wasn’t a lot of common ground there.
Kim (29:04)
And
then I was just trying to take care of her and reassure her that she was going to be fine. And I was dying inside. It really took a long time for me to be able to get back on stage after that.
Tricia (29:17)
But again, the bravery that you have been carrying around and that you have been cultivating since you were taking subways by yourself is what helps you all these years later is get back on stage after that. Yeah.
Kim (29:29)
Yeah, it’s resilience.
Tricia (29:46)
We’ll get back to the second half of our conversation in a moment, but right now I want to tell you about our sponsor, Interabang Books, a Dallas-based independent bookstore which was named one of the country’s top five bookstores by Publishers Weekly. They have a fabulous curated online collection and it’s just as easy to shop with them as it is with Amazon. Who doesn’t want to support an independent bookstore? Please show them some love and check them out at interabangbooks.com.
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When was the first time you got back on stage after that?
Kim (30:54)
I did a small event for The Store, our nonprofit grocery, where I agreed to show up and just welcome everybody. And I had a microphone. And part of the other issue, I had surgery and they plumped up the vocal cords so that now my vocal cords touch. Because for a long time, there was just sort air escaping. And that’s why my voice was inefficient. I described it to it sort of like,
like sipping through a straw with a hole in it. You know how that’s so inefficient and you have to suck and suck to get any liquid? That’s how it felt. Like I had to work a hundred times more than usual just to get barely a little bit of sound. So at the end of the day, I was just exhausted and my whole body was jacked up. And that’s going to be like something that I just have still constantly learning and, you know, learning how to work alongside is just learning how to
relax those patterns in my body of anxiety and who knows how long that stuff’s been there.
Tricia (31:55)
You were without a voice for two years, right? Yeah, yeah. What I thought was so interesting was that you had to really relax so much before they could actually accurately diagnose what was wrong with you. Yeah. I thought that was fascinating.
Kim (32:08)
Yes, yes.
So the first time that I went in, they did a scope where they put a little camera down through your nose and then down your throat and they can normally see your vocal cords. Which have you ever looked at vocal cords before? They kind of look dirty. They kind of look like something you’re not supposed to be looking at in public.
Little naughty, just vocal cords. Yeah, a little naughty. So they couldn’t even see them because the tension in my throat, because it’s probably been going on for about five years or more. They do think it was a couple of viruses, series of viruses that knocked out that vocal cord. It might’ve been from COVID, which I had right before that Alzheimer’s event. But I think my body had been compensating for so long, trying to just get tighter and tighter to clench my vocal cords together.
that this pattern of tension was so strong that they couldn’t even see what was happening with my vocal cords. So they sent me away and they were like, okay, you got to just do therapy, could do vocal therapy. And that’s when I tried everything. I went to hypnosis. I tried various therapists. I tried biofeedback. I did biofeedback. I wrote down, you know, all the things I thought I wasn’t saying and I…
and I wrote them in a journal, and then I wrote them and I burned them up, and all the different journaling things you’re supposed to do. And then I tried psychedelic mushrooms.
Tricia (33:39)
Which is really- Well done. Well done.
Kim (33:42)
Which was really eye-opening. And the funny thing was when I was doing the mushrooms, which I’m not a druggie. I’m not someone that does something like that very often.
Tricia (33:58)
I think you’re not communicating a druggy vibe here, just to be clear. I don’t get the druggy vibe. I get the I want to fix my voice, I will do anything vibe.
Kim (34:02)
You don’t get the druggie vibe?
I’m not a drug addict.
No, I was always terrified that like my parents would find out, you know, like I was too scared to do that of thing. Have you ever done them? No, no. Well, it’s sort of stereotypically what you would think. Like there’s like sparkles and prisms and like, you know, that I saw like tons of ants on the floor. And then there was this
Tricia (34:21)
Total control freak.
Kim (34:35)
a half man, half fawn that appeared and like, you know, all these crazy things. But I did get the feeling that my mom was there who like shown up. And it wasn’t like I saw her or necessarily heard her voice. I just felt her essence like she was there. And it was sort of like we were spooning, you know. And and at first she was very complaining and very angry and very sad and just said,
That was so awful what happened and I can’t believe how I died and you know, I hated that and I just said, I know mom, I know, I know that was so awful. I know and mom, we’re doing mushrooms right now. So look at the half man half fawn over there just for a second. And we wound up having this really magical time together and this
this sort of wild, rebellious, spontaneous mom that I grew up with that was always there. I just didn’t really get first prime time access to her, side of my mom, because I was her daughter. In this journey together, I was able to access that side of her. And I felt like we were connected in a way that we had never been when she was alive. And it was really healing. And I came away from that.
not yet with a strong voice physically, but just feeling like that part of my healing had occurred. Healing this pain of guilt that I had talked and talked and talked about something that I never got her blessing to talk about was healed and forgiven. And this weight had lifted and you
my mom passed away in 2016 and I for years wasn’t able to imagine her like she was before she got sick until I went through this experience and suddenly it was like, oh, there is this youthful spirit, you know, who is free and is there and is like a, you know, guiding light for me and a cheerleader like she was at all my soccer games, you know, sort of back in my life.
as a positive presence and that felt really great.
Tricia (36:58)
Well, it’s just so crazy that you’ve had this physical ailment with your vocal cords, but all this other healing, like things you had to take care of that you might not have taken care of, you had to look at just so you could get to the root of what was happening with your voice. It’s just, it’s such a gift. I mean, a roundabout gift, but you you ended up being able to tend to things that really were in the root of you and who you are that needed to be.
looked at and you could.
Kim (37:30)
Well, exactly. I’m so grateful for all of those, all of those lessons. And I feel great. And there’s other things too. Like I, you know, in, in doing physical therapy, I met my trainer who’s she’s just phenomenal. Erica Young. She did all of this physical therapy with me. And then once I graduated from that, we started lifting weights together. And so for the first time in my life, I feel like
Okay, I’m really getting stronger in a way that I haven’t been probably since my 20s, but I never lifted weights like this. And as an aging woman, that’s actually really important. So I feel like in some ways, losing my voice has saved my life because physically I’m gonna be stronger. I also started meditating religiously, which is something I’ve wanted to do in my 20s since I was in my 20s. Like, yeah, I really should.
But I’d just never gotten around to it. And now I have. And now I do. And it’s a daily practice. And I don’t know what I would do without that now. It really helps keep me sane. So I’m grateful for those life lessons.
Tricia (38:38)
You did mention when we were working together that you were, when you didn’t have a voice that you started to write. And so I love that also of like, okay, well I can’t do this, so I might as well do that. So talk a little bit about what you were working on, what you were writing when you were searching to find your voice.
Kim (38:59)
Yeah, I wrote a couple of screenplays and it turns out I love writing screenplays. Now I have to go and get them made. But you know, I’ve read scripts my entire life. Since I was 12 or 13, I’ve been reading scripts. And so I sort of innately know how to do it. And I wound up right after the pandemic taking a class at Belmont University in Nashville, got some great tips from a great teacher there and
started writing and I did! I went back to college. Yeah. And I loved being on campus. I was like, do I actually blend in? And probably not, but it was really fun to be amongst the young. yeah. so I love doing that. I love being able to pivot and writing the book was fun too. So I’ve always dabbled with writing.
Tricia (39:29)
Hey, you took a screenwriting class? For you. Yeah. Man, good for you.
I mean, that had to be a big endeavor. Yeah. How long did it take you to write the book? Yeah, that’s, I mean, it’s a big commitment and it was very well written. I really, I mean, I read it in almost one sitting. So. The other thing though, you have written and produced and directed a film short. You did that back in the mid aughts. Yes. And so that was called Shade. Was that, that was the film. And so like, what was that experience like? Do you have a sense of making your, like taking your screenplays and making them yourself?
Kim (39:59)
About a year and a half.
Thank
I loved it. Yeah, I feel like that’s what I’m coming into now is I really want to tell my own stories. That’s part of wanting to do something for The Moth and part of wanting to get my screenplays made. I mean, I still love acting and I would love to continue acting, but I’m finding great joy in getting my own stories out there. It’s really fun. Shade was my own story I directed, wrote, directed and starred in.
Tricia (40:45)
Yeah.
Kim (40:50)
And I also did a lot of directing at that point. I think as an actor, it’s really important to keep other hobbies and interests going.
Tricia (40:58)
It’s only going to enrich though also your performance if you’re looking at it from a director’s standpoint and a writer’s standpoint. It’s all connected. It just makes all of those different facets better because you’ve had a different perspective on it. Can you talk a little bit about what one of the screenplays is about? Can you give us a little hint?
Kim (41:18)
Yeah, one of them is an Alzheimer’s road trip movie based on my mom and dad’s experience, our family experience, but it’s about a husband and wife who are trying to make it for the birth of their first grandchild. So it’s kind of like a Planes, Trains, Automobiles sort of comedy meets like About Schmidt, you know, someone whose life has just changed and just trying to figure out who they are now. And it’s ultimately a love story.
So that would, and the other one is a ghost story. It’s a comedy. And it sort of came out of my feeling like a ghost when I lost my voice, just feeling invisible, feeling like I was ineffectual. And so I thought, what would it be like to actually be a ghost? So it’s sort of a combination of that and saying goodbye to my soon to be 18 year old who will hopefully be going off to college next year.
Tricia (42:13)
Yeah.
It’s a brilliant example for all of us of like taking what your life is made out of and turning it into your art. know? Yes. It’s a great example of that. And also just, you know, you’re very resilient and you have a lot of courage and so you don’t say it’s over. It’s like, okay, when am going to do that? You know, what am I going to do? And I mean, it’s exactly what you say your dad taught you where it’s like, okay.
what’s going to happen will be much more fantastic than that. You know, like it’s things have turned out even more fantastic in many ways.
Kim (42:46)
Yeah, I mean, not every day, to be fair, not every day is like that. You know, some days are really challenging and I have to give myself a pep talk and some days I have to let myself just be kind of sad about it. And that’s okay too. And good stories can come out of those rest days and sad days too.
Tricia (43:05)
I also thought it was interesting in the beginning, and I think we all do this, I think particularly women do this, if something goes wrong, we did something incorrectly. So what truth weren’t you speaking? What weren’t you doing? And you go through that sort of self-flagellation when in fact what’s required here is being gentle and really nurturing yourself to get to that healing. But our sort of knee-jerk is…
Kim (43:29)
Yeah,
one of my biggest problems was I was doing too much. Literally my body was doing too much. And so it was an act of learning how to release, actively learning how to relax and stop trying so hard.
Tricia (43:46)
And then it’s just breathed so much life into the work that you’re doing. It’s fantastic. Okay, I have two more things I want to ask you. First of all, I know you have a very close connection to LA. Yes. And it’s been very tough for you with the fires. Do you have a charity, a foundation, a something that we can encourage our listeners to donate to that’s special to you based on your experience out in LA?
Kim (44:12)
That’s so nice. You know, honestly, I have been giving to the GoFundMe pages. GoFundMe has verified GoFundMe fundraisers for people who have lost their homes. And I just have really enjoyed looking at their stories and just connecting with people’s stories. Talk about storytelling, you know? And giving directly through GoFundMe.
But I’ve also donated to the LA Firefighters Foundation, I think is what the name of it is. I’m not positive, but I think it’s LA Firefighters. My brother was a firefighter for years and actually was trained in LA. So he still has friends there. I’ve lost track of the number of people that we know who lost their homes or can’t go home because of all the damage to the neighborhood or the smoke damage or whatever.
So that’s what I’ve been doing. But I have to say, I’m just so inspired by the way that city has come together and given back. And my sister’s still there. I have many, many friends there. And that’s what a lot of people are talking about is the way the city has been resilient and rallied around each other and come together in a community that maybe wasn’t there before.
Tricia (45:28)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good. I just know, I know that’s important part of your life. And so I wanted to recognize that. Hey, another thing, real quickly, what are you working on now? Farmer takes a wife.
Kim (45:35)
Yeah.
Farmer Wants a Wife! get to just take her. He has to want her. He has to ask nicely.
Tricia (45:45)
a wife.
I think I quoted like an old poem or nursery rhyme or something. I don’t know what I did. Maybe.
Kim (46:00)
Yeah,
there’s an update on that. Yeah, farmer wants a wife. So there’s four farmers, it’s on Fox. This is season three, comes out March 20th. So there’s four farmers and then they each have eight ladies that they’ve all like chosen each other through these profile computer dating sort of things that they’ve set up. And then they go narrowing it down, but the ladies also have to agree that they would like to continue exploring a life with this farmer. So yeah, it was super fun.
That was actually my first job since getting my voice back.
Tricia (46:33)
Fantastic. Yeah. Okay, so here’s our last question that I like to ask all of my guests. Where do you need courage right now?
Kim (46:43)
Where do I need courage? Gosh. Well, honestly, the first thing that comes to mind is learning to let go, which I guess is a common theme, learning to let go of my muscle tension, but learning to let go of my oldest son. I’ve spent so long trying to just get him ready for launch. Then I get like a graduation email and I just want to sob and sob and sob.
It’s one of those things that like the ball is rolling, the train is already leaving the station and I need some courage and probably some distraction to get through the next six months or so.
Tricia (47:24)
Yeah, okay. Well, you’ve got some distractions with screenplays and the work that you’re doing. Yes. And another distraction really quickly, tell us about The Store in Nashville. You know, that’s an ongoing thing that you’re constantly involved in.
Kim (47:37)
Yeah,
so that’s a constant. So Brad and I co-founded this nonprofit. It’s called The Store. It’s a free grocery in Nashville where people can go in and shop for their needs as opposed to getting a handout. it’s just a wonderful place. And we offer a lot of wraparound services. So they have things like financial literacy and medicine management and music therapy and
you know, all kinds of things. And then we do pop-ups where we’ll do like a vet clinic where people get to bring in their pets one day for full treatment. Cause it’s so, that is so expensive. I have three dogs and I can tell you it’s so expensive. Then we have like, we have the toy store at Christmas time where people could come in and the same sort of model. They got to shop as opposed to getting just like a wrapped gift that they don’t even know what it is. And their kids got to come and pick out toys and.
We have the school supply store and we’re working on a music store and some other things. So really exciting. So yeah, that is a big part of our lives. We’re kicking off a capital campaign soon. So we’re gonna skip right back into fundraising mode, which is something I learned from my mother who was an amazing fundraiser. So that’ll be cool.
Tricia (48:49)
Yes, I read about that in your book. Great.
So we’re going to put all those links in the show notes so people will know if they want to support The Store, they can support The Store and all of your efforts too. So absolutely, absolutely. Spreading the gospel, Kim. Spreading the gospel. So I just want to thank you so much for being on the show. It was just such a delight to have you. And I’m just so glad we can hear you loud and clear.
Kim (48:58)
Awesome. We’ll be able to put that in your…
Thank you so much.
Aw,
thank you. I really appreciate, I appreciate the name of this show. I completely am in agreement that there’s no time to be timid. And I really appreciate you having me as a guest.
Tricia (49:26)
Thanks. Take care.
Kim (49:28)
Thank
Tricia (49:39)
Kim was just so much fun to visit with, and she left me with some things to think about. She’s taken a lot of risks in her career. What risk are you willing to take for a dream that you have? How are you shoring up your sense of self-worth so you can get through the low times? And what interesting takeaways can you recall from your creative experiences, the good ones and the bad ones? Make sure to check out Kim on Farmer Wants a Wife which debuts tonight, Thursday, March 20th.
on Fox at 9 p.m. Eastern. Follow her on Instagram at Kimberly Williams Paisley and check out her website, KimberlyWilliams-Paisley.com. If you haven’t already, make sure to read her book, Where the Light Gets In. And if you want to see love and compassion in action, please check out The Store, which Kim founded with her husband, Brad Paisley, to help fight food insecurity. Find out more and donate if you’re able to, thestore.org.
Thanks for joining us. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to us at podcast @ triciaroseburt.com And if you liked this episode, please share it with one other person that you think will enjoy it. Then maybe talk to them about the parts that resonate. It really helps build our audience. And remember, this is no time to be timid.
No Time to Be Timid is written and produced by me, Tricia Rose Burt. Our episodes are produced and scored by Adam Arnone of Echo Finch. And our executive producers are Amy Grant, Nancy Perot, and Sage Wheeler. I’d also like to thank contributors to my Fractured Atlas Fiscal Sponsorship, which helps make this podcast happen. No Time to Be Timid is a presentation of I Will Be Good Productions.
Kim (51:32)
You can change yourself and change the world. It’s no time to be timid if you haven’t heard. You can find what’s true, that’s what you deserve. It’s no time to be timid if you haven’t heard.